Last but not least

Finally, we arrive at the strikers. I’d imagine it’s not going to make for pretty reading, so close your eyes if that makes it easier.

Andy Carroll

Had a shocker of a season really, despite his much-discussed upturn in form towards the end. Probably that late boost (which still was nothing that special) sealed his inclusion. Problematically, he might well be starting our first two games. I say problematically because, whilst I don’t think he’s necessarily a bad player, England will very much revert to the long-ball game that seems to come quite naturally to them if he is on the pitch. Sadly, he doesn’t have the talent that that style needs- the ability to hold up the ball intelligently and then lay it off when the midfield or wingers arrive. Nor does he really have the touch or presence to perform the ‘battering-ram’ role. In essence, he’s a big man, but not the right man for the big-man role.

Danny Welbeck

Scored a fair few goals for United this season and certainly showed glimpses of being excellent. Like most young players he hasn’t been a consistent threat, but I suppose tournament football doesn’t call so much for consistency. He also will be less-known to our opponents than most of the old guard, which can only be an advantage. I personally would have taken him over Sturridge, if only for the obvious reason that Sturridge plays for Chelsea.

Jermain Defoe

Scored 11 goals this season without playing that consistently for Tottenham, which is a decent return. For a reason I can’t quite explain, I really dislike him, but his goalscoring record throughout his career has been very good and he certainly deserves to be in the squad. What role will he play, though? Assuming (and nobody’s sure), that Hodgson will play a 4-4-2 in the first two games, you sense that Carroll and Wellbeck will start. Alternatively, if it’s a 4-3-3/4-5-1 type thing, then that ‘1’ will most likely be given to Carroll as the aforementioned ‘big man’. Personally, I’d rather see a proven goalscorer get a bit more game time but I predict he’ll be seeing a lot of the bench.

Wayne Rooney

How costly does that stupid kick against Montenegro seem now? For one moment in which he lost his head, Rooney could come back into the team after they’re already out of the Euros. The worst case scenario, of course, is that England lose their first two games, and Rooney is forced to play a humiliating 90-minute consolation match against Ukraine. Putting  a less bleak spin on it, however, picture this: we scrape a draw with France and beat Sweden, then welcome Rooney back into a team now filled with confidence. We dispatch Ukraine and progress to the next round with a rested, hungry Rooney ready to do some serious damage. It could happen. Of course, he would then get sent off in the quarter final, causing a media hate campaign that ends in a flaming Shrek-like effigy being hung from a Fleet Street office, but that’s by the by. Rooney is a very, very rare England player in that he is capable of making something from nothing, of winning games on his own. Our performance in the first two games will determine whether he gets the chance to do that at all.

So, there you have it. The ideal first eleven would be a match for all but two or three teams that we could face, but the odds of all eleven being able to start are so slim that we would do better, realistically, to consider ourselves in the third tier of teams. If the top three are Germany, Spain, and the Netherlands, and the next are Italy, France and Portugal, we’re probably a rung below that lot. That might be being pessimistic, it will become clearer after we watch the final round of friendlies. Still, with England, better to prepare for disappointment than to build up any semblance of hope!

I’ll be back on June the 3^rd to dissect England’s game with Belgium at Wembley. Until then.